"He Must Be Gay"

Before I get going on this, I will warn any potential reader that this will certainly be the first post where I show blatant aggressiveness toward relative strangers for fairly benign behavior in a fit of judgment. There it is.

That being said, here we go. When I was in college / graduate school, I spent at least half of my working week in the service industry either bar tending or waiting tables to make some cash and pay the bills. In those jobs, I obviously had a lot of contact with strangers and the public in general. A lot of the interaction I had with people was positive, and gave me great experience to draw from when dealing with customers that you would generally want to please and have return for future business, referrals, etc. Sometimes, customers would even go as far to offer help in furthering my career goals however they could if they were particularly impressed or interested.

However - there were a few other types of customer interactions that would occur on a regular basis, the worst of which obviously created stories that will stay with me until the day I die, but those are for another post.

The interactions I want to address instantly involve young women who were within +/- 5-ish years of my age at the time I was working. Without trying to sound cocky, on more than one occasion females would either subtly or painfully blatantly hit on me / other similarly situated co-workers. Now, I am admittedly VERY picky about girls. VERY. To the point where a lot of my friends both male and female have told me that I'm crazy and my expectations / standards are too high. What's worse, is I am terrible at politely telling people in general, not just girls, that I'm not interested in whatever they are saying and to leave me the hell alone.

All of these factors combined, on more than one occasion, to place me squarely in situations where a random slag would ask me to "hang out" with her sometime, or offer me her number, etc. On each of these occasions I fumbled my way through saying "no" in a round-about way, or just straight up lied and said something like "I'll be right back to talk about it" and in true middle school fashion wouldn't go near her the rest of the night.

Anyway - given the relatively small town I bar tended in, let's just say these special ladies were never just one-time customers. On at least three occasions I can remember, when one of these girls came back in later after I either didn't call, accept the invitation, whatever, I heard either first hand or second, the girls say to either a friend or one of my co-workers something along the lines of, "he didn't call, or _________ (fill in the blank), so he must be gay."

I am not offended that I somehow fit whatever homosexual stereotype these undoubtedly refined ladies have in their heads, but I am certainly shocked at the amount of over-confidence and arrogance that girls can often have simply because they are girls. Sorry sweetie, but you might not be the gem that you think you are. Personally, someone the size of Bart Scott in a skirt just doesn't do it for me. Or maybe it was when you told me that you were applying to law school and responded that your LSAT score was an 1130. (just to be clear this indicates a blatant lie, not a poor performance) Or maybe, just maybe, it was when you said something about having 2 more shots then getting home to put your kid to bed. (this one is terrifying for many reasons) These reasons are not even close to exhaustive of what I could fill this space with, but a brief illustration.

I mean, seriously, I know I'm not the only guy around who has had this happen, or who find these situations hilarious yet simultaneously infuriating. What really chaps my ass is that this particular type of girl, which in my opinion makes up at least 50% of the young female population, genuinely believes that I should, as a man, be interested in her because she has boobs and the opposite of a penis.

That being said, to the future wife out there, have your pen and independent counsel ready - I'll bring the prenupt.